It is being reported through a reliable source that Travis Outlaw, the rangy forward on the Sacramento Kings roster, is none other than Thaddeus Young, the rangy forward on the Philadelphia 76ers bench.
The source relates that Outlaw/Young wanted more than just one paycheck coming out of High School and made up both pseudonyms. Outlaw/Young’s legal name is supposedly Marcus Excelsior, a rangy forward who disappeared after Outlaw/Young came onto the radar. Excelsior uses a hairpiece and self-tanner to switch between his two identities, and the source implicates some psychological strategy too. “Excelsior and Young are the same player really. But Outlaw….Excelsior imagines Outlaw is who he would have been if he was born a shoot-first Golden Retriever. He’s an alter ego of sorts, the Bizarro to Young’s Superman.”
When the Outlaw and Young residences were called, the only comment elicited was “Who dis?” followed by panicked breathing when this ESPN reporter answered in the affirmative. It is yet to be seen whether David Stern will take action upon either of the two athletes, but Donald Sterling reportedly muttered “Good god, they all look alike because they ARE alike,” before mentally undressing both players.
Reporting for BSPN, this is Your Mother, signing out.